I'm starting to realise that I'm prone to panic. It doesn't mean that I have anything to panic about, I'm just prone to it. For example this morning as I was preparing to send off three chapters to my supervisors so they could have a final look-over. I also prepared a list of all the things I still needed to do to get my thesis into a submission-ready state. As I sat at the dinner table in my lounge with the morning sun streaming onto me, carefully writing down each task I needed to do, I suddenly realised my was heart racing away inside my chest. Then I felt slightly light-headed. I had to stop as I listened and felt my heart pounding away. Why was this happening? The act of listing the last 10 or so things I still needed to do, brought home the fact that this 'thing', this four year old project, that has probably occupied at least 10 minutes of my head space each and every day over this period of time, was coming to a conclusion. It sent me into a crazy, uncontrollable panic. I still don't understand why it brought on feelings of panic, it just did.
So the end is staring me in the face. It feels more like a little meander towards the end. I have time, nothing needs to be rushed, I've accommodated a day here and there for 'eventualities', but still I'm confronted by these moments when this almost peaceful reality, is overturned and twisted in my head by blind panic. Where's the rescue remedy?
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