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Tuesday 29 January 2019

the academic's academic

Since returning from the UK towards the end of 2012 and then returning to full time work sometime in mid-2013 I've been mostly involved in some or other form of academic development work. Its a rather strange academic identity to hold, and now I realise that moving into such a role directly from my identity as PhD student probably contributed to some distortion of my sense of what it means to be an academic. And by academic I mostly mean (and very simplistically) someone who has a teaching,  research and thinking function at a university. Although my academic development colleagues will strongly argue that they too have a teaching, thinking and research function, much like any other academic working in the disciplines.

Since the start of the 2019 academic year about two weeks ago, I've been thrust back into academic life in the academic department. Well thrust is probably a bit dramatic, as I've yet to be assigned an actual function in my home department and have instead busied myself with my writing (thinking and research) work, primarily in the comfort of my home or some friendly writing spaces in nearby cafes. But the main realisation I've had is the sense of autonomy I now feel about what and how my role and function as an academic is defined. As an academic developer I felt straight-jacketed by the almost 'clock-in-clock-out' organisational culture, the heavy administrative demands of my role, the limited and often non-existent teaching opportunities that came my way, the lack of intellectual stimulation and limited appreciation or acknowledgment of my research particular interests. Now this might simply be a reflection on the context where I was plying my trade as academic developer, rather than the field of academic development per se. And of course, it doesn't mean that simply working in an academic department will provide any guarantee from the experiences I describe above, as I well know.

I thought the December holidays would serve as the perfect antidote to the constriction and relentless attack on my confidence and self-worth as academic that defined much of my professional experiences last year. But in these past two weeks I've experienced an amplification of these self-correcting processes, that were kick-started in December. Maybe I'm embracing even the most fluid interpretations of what 'being an academic' means, maybe I'm simply uncoupling myself from an academic identity that was no longer serving my personal and professional needs, maybe I'm just looking out for myself, protecting and nurturing my self-worth. Time will tell.