Balance...zumba style

Went to a Zumba class tonight for the first time in more than 2 months and its was fantastic. I've realised that I must find ways to do other things besides working on my PhD...working/focusing only on my PhD makes me miserable and grumpy. I need some physical outlet but more importantly I need to make sure my shoulders can cope with all the crouching over a desk or computer I'm going to subject them to over the next 12-15 months. I would like to think that irrespective of what is going down in my life - PhD or otherwise - that I can take 2 hours out of my week to jump around and wiggle my hips to some crazy Latin tunes. A positive end to the day casting a bright hue on the days ahead.

still indexing categories but with some reflection

I'm about half way through the categorisation/coding of the data from my second case study. I've hit some snags associated with the Atlas software, particularly around the cumbersome nature of having 'codes' from the previous case inform and cloud the indexing work for the new case. Also all the codes get lumped together so filtering which codes apply specifically to one case and not the other presented some challenges. I keep wondering if my decision to work with only one unit and using a specific Altas related filtering system to separate documents into my two cases was working for me. But because I've never used the software before and the advice I was getting was based on a different kind of research study with different kinds of data it was really hard to make an informed decision. For the moment I've decided to carry on as is, but have found ways to signal clearly in the category naming the different cases the code applies to. It's a bit laborious and it means that I now have something like 120 code categories, but it's my workable solution. I also had to let go of worrying about the 'amount' of codes I actually had - as if the number of codes bears some correlation to whether or not you are doing a good job or not of this stage of the data reviewing and analysis. What I have come to realise is that it doesn't really matter what your codes, categories, indexing units are or how many of them you have - their function is really to guide you in the retrieve of interesting, useful slices of data for further analysis. If you have made some good decision about the naming conventions etc...that helps with retrieval later (because the time lag between doing the actual indexing work and retrieval can be quite big and your memory can let you down). But the main work happens when you look at all the quotes sitting under a particular category and then try to make sense of it. Some attention to detail at the indexing/coding stage helps of course - but it doesn't mean that there won't be problems when you actually have to work with those slices of data later.

So having sort-of resolved this little challenge that was causing me endless frustration earlier this week the indexing for this new case has proceeded fairly smoothly, if not slowly. I'm trying to learn from my experiences and just do a broad-brush-stroke first level sweep of the data. My strategy, which I found worked well for the other case, is after this initial indexing round to then listen/read all the data again - outside of Atlas - before doing a second round of indexing/coding and then finally start the strategic retrieval process where I get a print out of all the quotes under particular categories and begin to ask myself..."ok so what is going on here?"

All great right? The process seems robust enough and suitably plausible and remember I have some literature to back up my approach (always useful). But time of course, the sneaky bastard, is not being helpful. I looked at my work plan which I only revised on 24 August 2011 and I'm behind. How can I fall behind in like 2 months - the deadlines I set for the end of November will not, cannot be achieved. It's just impossible - even if I work 10 hours per day almost everyday until the end of the November I don't think I'll be able to meet that deadline (and beside can you imagine what a 'happy' person I might be working 10 hours a day everyday for the next month?). This isn't procedural work I have to do...I have to call upon all my understanding, my intellectual capacity, my cognitive insights developed over the last 4-6 years to try and make sense of my data, to see a story, an angle worthy of telling. It's all down to identifying, shaping, crafting that story...that will be the numb of my PhD. I don't think its something you can push or force out. And the strange thing is - this part of the work, this stage is what I find most rewarding, most respectful and accommodating of my research participants, the students and their learning - because it's where I start to see their perspective, their view, their understanding and experiences and try to represent that as authentically as I can in my work. That can't be forced out, I don't believe anyway. So I'm behind, always freaking behind and trying to stay sane and carve out some balance in my life.

crazy making sense of Atlas and my data

I'm in between enjoying this second round of indexing the data of my new case study and being extremely frustrated by the constraints of Atlas (the software I'm using to help with the indexing, categorising and retrieval of interesting slices of data). I need to make a decision soon about how I'm going to deal with this frustration...tomorrow I think!

I love working with my data, especially when I see things come together, that is the exciting part, but of course it's also a tedious process of starring at the screen and struggling to make sense of what participants are trying to say or how to interpret these contributions. I have lots and lots to do and I need to do it quickly...big sigh! Work consistently...one day at a time...yeah, yeah of course.

mixed bag of a week

I had a really strange all-over-the-place kind of week. I guess filtered through lots of anger and frustration fuelled by stories of bad supervision experiences and my own writing troubles. Writing really is about making meaning through your writing - writing isn't an end-product, it is the process of making meaning, making sense, making clear what it is you want to say. I'm about 1/3 away from the end of my case study or rather I should say this iteration of this case study draft. The hard part is coming i.e. making sense of the literacy practices in the case site. But I'm getting there, I'm finding a comfortable way to use Atlas to help extract the slices of data I need to illustrate the points I am trying to make and how to use to the slices of data to help understand what is going on in the site. I'm hoping to finish this off by next weekend because I have a three day break in Estonia starting today...how's that for a bit of balanced life?

A friend of mine said something like this to me late last week - 'You need to get comfortable with the pace you are working at and that some days will be slower than others. Get comfortable with the fact that sometimes it just isn't going to work on that day...but it's ok'. Wise words me thinks !

wondering...

I have 12 months left of my paid full-time PhD studentship. I wonder how this experience might have been shaped if I did it part-time, if I funded it myself, if I did it with different supervisors, if I did it in South Africa. How much do these seemingly, inconsequential contextual issues impact on the experience of the PhD? Think I've lamented about these issues previously, well maybe many time in the past.

I'm constantly reminded how my learning experience is certainly not what I signed up for. I constantly encounter  examples (of my own and those of my colleagues) that show how the whole structuring of the PhD process,  especially the supervision relationship, is riddled with inequalities and unfairness. How do you suck that up for three years without becoming either completely demoralised, disconnected or jaded by this practice of learning?

uneventful nothingness kind-of-day

Yes unfortunately nothing much happening today. I'm trying but nothing is happening today. More looking at the mind maps I created yesterday, more reassuring myself that I don't need to have an argument to present in order to start writing about the emergent themes from my data, more reading of the research methodology literature to reassure myself and do something other than switching on the TV, more tweaking of the previous case study draft I wrote having made a decision I would write up the emerging themes as part of the case study. The cart is definitely in front of the horse as I try to figure out the story and make the parts of the story fit together instead of just writing up the parts and worrying about coherence and connection a bit later on when the story is more developed in my mind. Maybe this is just a delaying tactic...maybe I should go out walking. Yeah maybe I should go out walking.

making sense of my data

I completed the second round of indexing my data - (I still have to get used to calling it indexing categories rather than the simple 'coding' - I think I sound slightly more sophisticated using this new term and it avoids possible confusion that I might be involved in developing a website or something using some or other programming language). Now comes the task of trying to make sense of what my data is saying. It might be easy to just using the indexing categories I already have as a spring board for a discussion of my data. But those categories only make sense when used within the context of that particular tasks - i.e. looking at individual data documents and trying to slice up the data into interpretative categories that offer a description about that snippet of information. In a sense it's an almost decontextualised activity. Now I need to bring the outcomes of this categorizing activity into some sort of unified whole and tell a story about how all the previously disconnected bits of information or categories fit or don't fit together within a context of the department where the data was originally collected and not forgetting within the context of my research study...which reminds me What are my research questions again? Basically  I now need to look through all the categories to find thematic coherences - themes that might stretch over multiple categories or connect with specific categories in specific ways. Mmm...

I've been brainstorming and have some coherent looking mind maps with some viable themes - thus evidence of this intellectual pursuit . Unfortunately my need to always see the bigger picture first before drilling down to the specifics means I'm a bit stuck. I'm not sure what the bigger picture is just yet.  What I think I should do is focus on the description of the specifics without needing to know it's significance in relation to the bigger picture just yet. By describing what I've identified in my mind maps as broad themes I think their significance as the 'bigger picture' will start to be illuminated as part of description process. But for me this is an almost counter-intuitive approach. So I have to fight what my gut and strangely my brain is telling me...and do what my rational academic self is instructing me to do. Maybe a little digression to Jennifer Mason is in order!