Pages

Thursday 27 March 2014

the life blood that sustains me

I have to talk. Talking defines who I am. I think if I was denied the opportunity of expressing my thoughts, feelings, ideas, emotions through talk I could easily shrivel-up and die. The importance of this aspect what makes me, me has been brought into sharp focus over the past two days. On both days I had a chance to talk to colleagues/friends. On both occasions the topic was an aspect of academic life and on both occasions I was given the chance to talk, but more importantly I had to flex my intellect, think deeply and take in the wonderful stimulation offered by this 'simple' interpersonal interaction.

How wonderful it is to share in this most basic human interaction. I've raised the wonder of this taken-for-granted activity because it is what is so obviously missing from my current professional life. Last night I imagined what I might become if I was constantly immersed in an environment where I was challenged and stimulated intellectually. I remember why I loved my adult education diploma and all the taught masters' courses I even took. Because of the wonderful opportunities it granted me to read something and then discuss it with peers. I have to grapple with the theories or arguments presented on paper, express my opinions about it, listen to what someone else thought, then respond or counter their position. At the same time work through my own understanding of these very theories and arguments - and learn, learn, learn. For me talking and learning go together - whether its learning of the academic or personal kind. Now, sitting alongside my glass of red wine, writing this, I feel content.

Sunday 23 March 2014

my students

With an assignment looming one suddenly gets to see your students in ways often hidden from direct view. This strange period in the academic calendar also offers the student an opportunity to seek out and engage with their lecturers in ways probably unimaginable when they first walked through the classroom doors. Over the past two weeks I've had some interesting encounters with my students - moments that have forced me to think differently about these individual human beings, their struggles, their experiences and their expectations. Here are short descriptions of some of these moments.

A rather proud Xhosa student of mine came to my office after class to tell me that his father had died the previous weekend in a car accident. I felt a slight sting of shame, as just 40 minutes before, I had rebuked him for not having done the preparatory readings for the session. He explained as best he could, while trying to maintain an emotionless disposition befitting of his status as the oldest son, how hard it was for him to have to inform his mother and sisters of his father's death. He was also preparing himself to be in the company of his mostly female immediate family as all the funeral arrangements were made and the eventual ceremony in the Eastern Cape attended. We spoke about the possibility of an extension and I explained what procedures he needed to follow for this request.

On the same day another male student of mine spoke to me about his rather tenuous accommodation situation. He was living in a single room in Khayelitsha in a house of a friend of his family. He didn't know the family personally and unfortunately it wasn't suitable - not least because of the travelling and the expectations that he had to help-out with the housekeeping - both these factors were impacting on this studies. He clearly needed to move out, but had not been very successful in securing alternative accommodation options. As a first year student, his chances of getting into a residence at this late stage were slim. This week I received an e-mail from him asking for an extension and explaining that he had to move out and was practically homeless.

During a remedial assignment preparation session I scheduled with my classes I sat with a group of about five mostly Xhosa students. They kept calling me Ma'am - something that had occurred throughout the term even though I specifically asked students to call me 'Lynn' at my first class. Again I said rather sternly 'Don't call me Ma'am, my name is Lynn'. Maybe because of the intimate setting, they immediately expressed their discomfort. 'We can't call you Lynn, it's disrespectful' someone said. Now, I know this, right? Most of my students have had 12 years of schooling, mostly in some or other township where authoritative rules always apply. They also come from a highly hierarchical socio-cultural environment where children, young adults and students need to know their place in relation to adults and especially lecturers at the university. Even in our department its very unusual for students to be on first-name terms with their lecturers. They lamented at how their parents would be most disapproving if they knew, their sons and daughters were calling me on my first name. We had a long discussion about the different ways in which respect can be shown. Through my attempts to convince these young people why it REALLY was ok to call me on my first name, I had to reflect on my own reasons and underpinning philosophies for this stance. I was reminded of my adult education inspired humanist values and how this simple (almost unthinkable) action so strongly attempted to signal an egalitarian approach to education. As a lecturer I really don't need a title to signal my status and power - surely its already conferred on me by virtue of the institutional structures which both my students and I are apart of? But of course while I know this, I'm also critical of this stance. The question for me of course is, shouldn't I be more accepting of my students, their socio-cultural background and find ways to alleviate their discomfort rather than accentuate it by insisting on these rather foreign naming conventions? Well no! As we discussed, different contexts call for different practices and we all have to get used to this in our daily interactions with people in different settings. They will have to come to understand that in my class calling me on my first name is not a sign of disrespect and doesn't in any way diminish my authority. Of course this rule might not apply to my colleagues and their classes and my students will have to change their approaches accordingly. As we ended our conversation one of the young men in the group sheepishly said 'Yes, Lynn' and everyone else giggled nervously. Later, thinking back on this short interaction which forced me to really consider an almost unconscious aspect of my classroom practice - I felt grateful that my students could help me reconnect with this practically hidden, but defining aspect of my teaching self.

Friday 14 March 2014

reclaiming my research day

At the institution and especially department where I work, there is this mythical thing called a research day. The institution, who is keen to show the outside world that it is serious about having a strong research culture and is supportive of its fledgling researchers, is keen in it's official discourse to acknowledge this thing called a research day. Once inside the department however, this 'thing' is more elusive. So I have a research day. But it's something that's said in a whisper and acknowledged almost half-halfheartedly - like some who smiles deceptively when they say 'sure everything is ok'. Since the start of the academic year all my other work and administrative responsibilities have all but swallowed my research day. I had hoped this special day would allow me to stay connected to all things conceptual and provide the antidote to the impoverish intellectual environment of my day-to-day work environment, where the concept of 'the academic' is a expletive concept at best. Today, however, I reclaimed my freaking research day - well almost. I went to work, but at 12 pm I left the building and came to sit in one of my favourite and productive places for all things academic. I managed to revise an abstract for a regional colloquium I'm involved in. Today I've also been reminded that I have to take charge of the pathway I want to construct for myself and if there are particular 'tools' at my disposal it's up to me to use them to service my own needs. But this attitude also requires strength of will, especially within the context of my current position, and I will have to work hard to keep my strength up.

Sunday 2 March 2014

Lynn the school ma'am

One thing I was really appreciating about my new teaching self was the fact that I've been so relaxed. Especially about the expectations I had about my students. In my previous teaching life, before the PhD, I was such a reactive teacher. Very demanded, critical and hard. Setting the bar very high and expecting my students to rise to the challenge. I often got 'upset' at them because they seemingly refused to do the right thing in class or take their learning seriously. At the time I had very clear motivations for this aspect of my teaching behaviour; motivations I thought (and in certain respects still do feel) were honourable and came from the right place. While today I still believe in the those underpinning values that drove certain aspects of my practice, I don't feel compelled to exert too much pressure on my students, or demand that they conform to strict rules of appropriate learning behaviour that I strictly enforce. It's their learning experience and they should be given the opportunity to exert as much control over what and how they learn (within the structures that the university has created).

On Thursday I felt all these new grand ideals slip from my grasp as I morphed into Lynn the school ma'am. As it happened I could hear the voice in my head say...'No! don't go there' and as with so many other moments like this in my personal life, I told the voice firmly to shut up and I went 'there' anyway.

It had been a frustrating lecture from the moment I stepped into the class. The students just seemed distracted and as the hour passed it felt like I had to stop every 10 - 15 minutes to get them to calm down, get them to concentrate on the discussion at hand, encourage them to participate in the discussion or respond to a question I had posed, or ask one or other group to stop talking. Then as I tried to talk through the last slide which outlined the small homework task, there was a rush of students to the front of the class, smartphones in hand taking photos of the slide. I make all my slides available on Blackboard either before or within an hour of the lecture. This sent me over the edge. I couldn't help but wonder if students at other, more prestigious, universities would react and behave like this in their lectures. And then I started my rant. Almost embarrassingly I turned into the delittling parent  - using their power to scold the child but at the same time seek retribution by transferring the blame back onto the child. Afterall it was the child's poor behaviour that had forced the parent to respond in ways that was clearly demeaning for the parent. Welcome back the old Lynn. I'd like to suggest that the frustrations of the multiple challenges I had to deal with during that hour were to blame for my outburst - but I think it's an easy response and one that all too quickly vindicates and absolves me from all wrong doing. But it is challenging teaching where I teach. It's even more challenging trying to maintain my learning and teaching philosophies that value and reinforce active and critical learning while also placing a humanist ideal at the centre of all I do in the classroom. So I didn't do too well on Thursday but I hope I can keep Lynn the school ma'am at bay...for now anyway.