writing fieldnotes

This must be the best way to write fieldnotes - magnificient view, iced coffee and chocolate brownie to help the interpretative processes...sjoe that was a really difficult research task to complete!

finding time to blog

At 2am in the morning I find myself thinking about things I need to say in my blog, yet during the day I cant seem to find the time to write about all these seemingly important and valuable insights.

So here is a whistle stop tour of some (those I remember) of these important insights
- the Mobility, Language and Literacy conference last week was a resounding success for me. Of course for all the 'wrong' reasons as it was rather tangential in its focus on academic literacies. However, I was once again reminded to appreciate the work of literacy and language theorists and scholars as they try to explore and unpack the ways in which language and literacy creates and shapes inequality in our society. While I don't always understand their theorisation, their analytic frames or their terminology, nor do I necessary want to use these frames, I continue to develop an appreciation and respect for what they do and see the connections with my own work. We are all looking at similar problems (even if only at the macro levels of our fields) using different lens.
- I have been able to put faces to some of the many famous researchers and theorists whose work I have encountered -  thanks being a little conference bunny over the past 2 years at the OU. Last week was no exception and 'they' were all there - Ben Rampton, Ilana Snyder, Hilary Janks, Brian Street, Mike Baynham, Theresa Lillis (so I'm cheating here), Lucia Thesen (another cheat), Jan Blommaert, Suresh Canagarajah, Jennifer Rowsell, Raj Mesthrie, Alastair Pennycook, Mary Scott (cheat, cheat), Cheryl Brown, Caroline McKinney, Cathy Kell, Lynn Mario de Souza
- apparently my accent is changing and I'm sounding more and more Capetonian...mmm, wonder if my supervisors will understand me when we have our supervision meeting on Thursday?
- I still haven't figured out how I will manage the ethics of blogging while doing fieldwork. Until I have worked it out I'm going to be rather reticent about what is happening 'in the field'
- I saw that little spark of interest and enthusiasm for my research topic appear during the conference last week...think I need to fan this fire and feed it some oxygen
- I'm having an internal debate about whether to use only hand written fieldnotes or use my laptop in the field to create my notes - I can see the obvious advantage of being able to import my digital notes directly to Atlas_Ti but wonder what I might be loosing in the process - AND Jan Blommaert waxes lyrically about the value of handwritten, tangibly, material fieldnotes captured in endless journals
- I'm a manic editing machine - there are so many track-change correction in my article I've had to accept and reject many of the amendments just so I can make sense of what I want included and/or excluded. I'm once again reminded of the difference between devoting time to thinking through the argument and points I want to make and time needed to actually capture these in the paper.

Hopefully now that I've captured these thoughts I can get a full nights sleep tonight.

writing as collaboration

Academic writing is often describe as inherently about the self and identity - think I've made similar comments recently  myself. But today at the conference, after having a casual conversation with someone about our common experience of trying to get our conference paper published in the HERD journal, I realised that writing papers for journals is a very collaborative process. And I want to extend this point to say - that all writing is collaborative.

We talk to others about what we plan to write, we discuss with others the problems and joys we're having in articulating our argument, we consult with others as we try to construct, re-construct and de-construct our argument and  we seek advice, sympathy, commiseration, and guidance from others when we are struggling, grappling, suffocating as a result of the writing or reviewing process. And through this involvement of 'others' the text, the paper, becomes a co-construction with multiple others. And so our writing becomes a reflection of this very dialogic (in all senses of the concept, extending beyond the Bakhtinian consideration of the self and the intended reader) and collaborative process. So while my name might be on the paper, the thesis, or the book, the many 'silent' collaborators leave their contribution to the manuscript like soft fingerprints on glass. I rather like this realisation; reminding me once again that I can only be, because of others.

the ethics of fieldwork and blogging

My fieldwork has started - and while that might sound serious or fundamental - in reality nothing much has really happened, and it's been a rather mundane couple of days. My focus at the moment is on 'blending in' as much as possible.
BUT I've been wondering... how do I deal with the ethics of blogging about my fieldwork experiences?

I shouldn't really be blogging about my fieldwork is what I think is the ethical thing to do. In my communication to participants and the consent forms I hope they will all sign - I provide reassurances that I will protect their identities and their right to confidentiality. Blogging about my experiences flies in the face of all those reassurances. Even without specifically identifying particular people, mentioning events and happenings in the research site on this blog will mean that I am using information gained for research purposes on a platform that is clearly outside the academic environment - the only environment I indicated where I would use the data I gathered. I don't have a solution at this point - but I also know that I want to be able to reflect and comment about my experiences through this platform, so its a complex and very moral dilemma I need to resolve.

On the HERD publication front - I'm awaiting a second opinion - promising??? well I think it could go either way, for or against the previous feedback-on-feedback I received. But either way I'll feel more reassured that I stayed true to myself, my own unease, a sense that something was not right. Of course all these delays are eating away at my revision time - less than 17 days to submission - and will ultimately put more pressure on me.

Tomorrow I go to the Mobilities Language and Literacy conference which I am really looking forward to. I will get to see all the BIG names in the varied fields of language, linguistics and literacies in THE FLESH. All the big Chiefs (and yes they are mostly men but probably more of the Pilgrim variety) will be in action - although I suspect the little Indians will have more interesting things to say. I will also get to see some of my favourite Capetonian colleagues and friends and connect and network.

Now to write up my fieldnotes...

feedback and conflicting emotions

Writing is an emotional undertaking. It's not just about writing words on a page, but involves every element of your being and your identity. What I'm saying here aren't new insights - I just have to refer to the work of Ivanic, Lillis, Lea, Thesen, Paxton etc, etc...who have written more articulately and intelligently about the crucial role of the self in academic writing. It stands to reason then that when you get feedback on your writing, especially critical feedback, it can feel as if you have been punched right in the stomach, and you are sent reeling as you try to recover.

I got feedback on some feedback relating to my attempt to get published in the HERD journal. Basically I've been encouraged to rework the article in order to adequately address the reviewers' concerns. Concerns which I thought I understood and addressed. I feel in such a powerless position because I don't know who to trust - my own interpretation or that of the secondary reviewer. The stakes are too high to get it wrong and as a novice at the journal publication game I feel I've been squeezed into a corner. I haven't had the strength to look at my reworked paper and my own responses to the journal reviewers' comments since I received the secondary feedback on Friday, but with only 19 days before a submission is required I can't keep my head in the sand much longer. The suggested changes are do-able, I'm just conflicted and fighting the obvious issues of power embedded in the whole process, yet I can feel myself capitulating. Choose your battles and maybe you can win the war - but why do I feel like its like 'know your place'

I plan a walk on the Sea Point promenade and a movie later today - maybe this will help to ease me into the inevitability of the situation.

and fieldwork starts

I had my first official meeting with my fieldwork participants yesterday. I wore my ethnographer hat – which was particularly useful as I could shamelessly say – well I don’t really know what I will do first and I’m hoping that these 'things' will emerge as I stay longer in the field and I hope we can talk about this again and maybe make a decision about it together. I didn't feel like I needed to know everything or that I had everything meticulously planned. I did however resist having the role of all knowing theoretical academic assigned to me. I’m not comfortable about being seen in such a light – like some sort of expert, simply because I am a PhD student. If truth be told I know a very little about a very specific area of theoretical and empirical engagement.

I got myself a little desk in the open plan office area – and just like at the OU – the people at my research site bemoan the open-planness of their office arrangements. I simply smiled. I will have access to a phone, the computer network (although nothing to smile about because the internet speed is more like dial-up than the super-duper-speed communication and information highway it is meant to be) and a printer. I cant believe I’m so happy about the prospect of having access to a printer and landline. It almost feels like I’m ‘working’ again – oh how I love the structure, organisation and routine of it all.

I also sorted out my access to UCT today – well just the access card – access to all the privileges of a quality research institution will hopefully follow once all the protocols have been followed. People are very stingy when it comes to handing out access to their super-duper-speed communication and information infrastructure – access to information is not a right but a privilege you know ; and often one procured by digging very deep into your pocket. So I’m very happy to be a free loader – well I could argue I spent my undergraduate years here paying for the freaking air that I breathed, so it could be seen as pay back time.

So a promising start all round, excited but equally scared shitless about all the possibility help captive by the fieldwork process.

moving

Yes its all happening today. I'm moving to a studio apartment in Observatory, right under Table Mountain. The past week has been rather hectic with me trying to squeeze in the odd hour here and there to work on the revisions for my journal article. I've finally completed that exercise yesterday but because of the move today I can't really bring it a proper close. I still need to respond to the final reviewers comments (the one that was the most negative about my paper) and I suspect I really need to have my brain functioning at 100% to complete this final task. Not sure I'll have 100% brain functionality today.

Then tomorrow I'm off to my research site for the 'first' formal contact...oh and so it all begins...exciting stuff!

Welcome 2011

Its been a while since I sat down and reflected on my PhD journey. I've been criss-crossing the globe (or so it feels like) having experienced three different counties in two different hemispheres in the space of 72 hours. My head was sent reeling as I tried to adjust, readjust and then adjust again to the different countries, continents, people and cultures. I've been in Cape Town for just under a week. In that time I've bought a car and started a serious hunt for a suitable place to stay. The weather has been true to form and its been really difficult to stay disciplined when all the cells in your body are instinctively directing you to the beach. In my fantasies I long for the comfort and security of the air conditioned library at UCT - where I can sit quietly with my books and theories while gazing down on the hot world at the foot of the mountain. But being car-less and having become taxi-shy due to my prolonged ownership of a car - this fantasy has not become a reality just yet.

I am also conscious of my colleagues back in MK setting a furious pace in their endeavours and so I'm feeling somewhat left behind. Last night at around 1am I felt the panic bite and felt the urgency to get my life more structured and focused on the work I need to do. Once I go into the field - it will have a life of its own - demanding all my time, energy and thinking attention. I have reviewers comments to attend to and a new paper for write for the French journal - along with completing a literature review on the disciplinary contexts that form part of my fieldwork sites.

Baby steps in the right direction I say?...or Stay Calm and Carry On!

PANIC

I just received some positive, albeit, conflicting feedback on my article submission for the Higher Education Research and Development Journal. 2 out for the 3 reviewers where pleased with my article, although they suggested some thoughtful reconsiderations of the argument and overall focus of the article. Of course this is all great - but the timing sucks. They want a resubmission ASAP and I can't do that! It's Christmas for heaven sakes and my life is somewhere in-between three countries and two continents at the moment. Give me a break!

I need at least 3 weeks to attempt any of the suggestions made. So I'm rather ambivalent to put it mildly and underlying that I'm completely panicked, my heart is racing and I wonder if I can actually pull the whole thing off. But the prospect of getting published - well that is of course very exciting, but with it comes the hard work, anguish and of course self doubt (as usual, my 'lingering friend'). I need at least three weeks to make the publication a reality. I also need another set of eyes to provide a fresh perspective and interpretation of the comments. Lets hope the editor has a generous view of what a reasonable time frame is. Focus on the positive - I need to keep reminding myself - focus on the positive and this is a positive event!

how warm does it need to be for your brain to function?

The temperature here has plummeted. I thought I could handle -7 - 8, but as the temperature has slipped further down the thermometer it's become more difficult for me to even contemplate sticking my head out the window for some fresh air. I was out today - some Christmas shopping - but with the thermometer at -15, I've decided - 'I'm not going out any more' , that's where my bravery ends.

I've been trying to keep my brain functioning but this has become increasingly challenging, not least because of the decreasing temperatures. Today I wanted to download some very interesting South African academic literacies materials and just hit a brick wall. Because I'm not accessing the databases from my OU networked computer or using Internet Explorer this seemingly simple task took me hours. I cant explain it! I gave up mid way through the whole process, being tempted by the prospect of warming my cold feet and watching some incomprehensible Swedish TV. But I need to get all these readings before I head for SA when I wont have unlimited broadband. I'm also rather excited by having 'discovered' these articles, with their potential to open up a wealth of theorisation around my core theoretical area and being located specifically within the SA context. This will go a long way in helping to tip the balance away from my current reliance on the UK literature.

a box of maltesers

It's been a while since I sat down to write my blog. Its been a tough two weeks. I've moved out my home of just over two years in Milton Keynes on Saturday. The run up to that final event was really exhausting. I was up and down the stairs more than 50 times in any given day and filled with frustration as I tried to organise my life into three neat 'stuff'categories - one for storage, one for Sweden and one for my trip back to SA. So instead of moving all my stuff from one location to the next, as one would commonly do when you move house, I had to organise them into three separate bundles. It was equally frustrating to realise just how much 'stuff' I had accumulated and how I hate to let things go, even the most insignificant things. And having the space to store these insignificant stuff , means you do: The line between storage and hoarding is a fine one indeed.

So I was not a happy camper by the time Saturday rolled along and in the end I just put everything into large bags and took them with me, to a friend's large spare room, for sorting through at a later stage! I just needed a break from figuring out what needed to go into what pile of stuff. Of course I did all of this in my head as soon as put my head on the pillow at 11:30pm on Saturday night - so much for leaving it until later.

My fieldwork schedule all bright and purposeful!

Needless to say I didn't do much academic work for most of last week. I just about managed to organise my fieldwork schedule into a more aesthetically pleasing and digitally constructed artefact and then talk about it with my supervisors at our last supervision meeting on Thursday.

I also managed to find some interesting and hopefully useful articles about the disciplinary environments I will be researching. I'm taking Jan Blommaert and Dong Jie's advice about preparations for fieldwork seriously; by trying to find out as much about the contextual realities of my research site as possible.






I've also started reading about the university of technology sector in SA - a received a special report written by a well respected SA academic analysing  teaching and learning approaches at these institutions. What is particularly interesting for me is the academic's use of Bhaskar's critical realism ontology and Archer's social realist methodology to structure her analysis. While I don't understand this particular philosophical tradition in sociology, I'm interested in how it differs from my particular view point and what it can possibly add and why I haven't considered using it to frame my own research.


Other than that, I'm back in Uppsala, currently watching the snow fall outside, but suitably snug inside. I've realised that in my rush to get my life organised I left all my discipline related readings on my external hard drive in Milton Keynes. So I wont be doing that in the run up to Christmas as planned. I do however have a paper to write for a French journal based on my conference presentation at Lille in September - at least I have all the material on my laptop to do that. I've also polished off a entire box of Maltesers in the past couple of days, in between watching the snow fall and drinking tea that is!

Xmas star in Uppsala

More Xmas lights in the window