I've been gripped by perspective helped along by some pragmatic comments from facebook friends (who would have thought, it serves a purpose after all). It's not the end of my research world. Not by a long shot and I need to maintain perspective. So I have to go back to the conceptual drawing board in relation to how I want to use Bernstein - so what? It's something I can do, I have options and I have time to figure things out.
My first default is always to come down on myself like a ton of bricks and then eventually I manage to scrape myself off the floor and find a solution. But why I need to resort to that first bit is beyond reason - maybe it makes me feel smarter when I am able to resolve the situation? Why can't I be more accepting of the mistakes I make and why do I always have to be so ultra-critical about the way I do things. At the back of my mind while uncovering the conceptual framework meltdown, was this ultra-critical voice saying how poorly I was managing my fieldwork experience. I just impose all these strange expectations on myself - in a sense simply setting myself up for failure irrespective what I do.
Gaining perspective is not a given, some people strive all their lives to get a balanced view of their actions and behaviours. Sometimes one is simply just closed to seeing it and you need time and often distance from the event to gain a realistic and balance perspective. Being practical about how to deal with the problems confronting you is also useful and that is what I want to focus on over the next couple of days. I want to be practical - do basic, simple things that will get me closer to that informed and intelligent decision I'm looking for.
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