change is as good as a holiday

I'm back at my desk at the OU and acutely aware of the truism reflected in the idiom above. I've had a very relaxed and easy past week. Maybe a reflection of what is normally possible in a working day, rather then my unrealistic ideals. And where Saturday's and Sunday's are spent doing 'other' things rather than obsessing about what work still needs to be done. In a strange way I felt productive.
I've managed to write up a large segment of what will eventual become my methodology chapter. There are three sections I still need to tackle - data analysis, ethics and validity and I don't feel daunted by this task. Of course what I have currently written is weak and disconnected but it's a start and what's more I didn't feel overwhelmed by having to write it. And at this point being able to write in this way and not associate writing with stress and inadequency is a very big deal for me. So in this respect giving myself the freedom to write irresponsibly has had a positive outcome. If all goes well I would like to finish this 'version' of the chapter by Friday and start the process of layering in the literature, theories and strenghtening the justification for my research choices - which I hope will take me another week. If all works out I should meet my 3 May deadline.

Spring sunshine on the lake on a Sunday afternoon

I feel calmer about things, about the progress I am making and the pace at which I am working. Maybe I'm seeing some perspective in this whole process. But I realise it's something I have to work at daily - each day I battle myself, my anxieties, inadequecies, self-doubt, fears, guilt. I can only hope that each day I become more accepting of what is and what can or cannot be changed about this process that I invited into my life. But I've had a good week and a half and I'm grateful and so I continue on.