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Tuesday 31 January 2012

when is it a good time to have a crisis of confidence?

I don't think the answer to this question is two days before you're meant to present an aspect of your research to esteemed colleagues and academics! But then again I've never been one to live an ordinary life - so of course I would have a little mini-confidence-crisis right before an important presentation. Maybe the happiness associated with being in my home town has subsided and the grim reality of not being able to live up to 'other' people's expectations has settled in. Maybe I'm just putting way too much pressure on myself - I really feel I need to perform, shine, impress but I just don't feel up to it. Today someone recalled a presentation I did just after my UCT Masters - apparently it was brilliant - I remember that presentation well, I was on fire, just so super confident about what I knew, what I wanted I say, how I wanted to say it. It seems now there just a shadow where 'that' person used to be.

Sometimes too much learning is a bad thing - I'm sure there is some mathematical calculation, equation, that bears testimony to this - once you reach a certain point you don't stand to gain or lose anything any more. I'm taking my own advice, the advice I eagerly gave countless cohorts of students - practice makes perfect - the time you put into the practice and preparation will pay off in the execution. Good advice I think.

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