feeling sorry for myself

Its Saturday morning, the sky is blue, the sun is out and the trees outside look an inviting burnt orange and yellow. But I'm feeling oh so sorry for myself. I've had some dental surgery done - an apicoectomy to be precise, but I wont share a link on this because you need a good constitution to bear looking at the images or reading about the procedure. I had one done when I was like 22, but I don't remember it being eventful at all. I suspect when we are younger, we deal with pain and minor irritations in a different way. The recovery isn't that bad, I have some swelling in my face and lots of irritation inside my mouth, but no pain to speak of. But eating and talking seems to make things worse. So overall its not that painful. However in a strange way I keep tracing the roots of all this trouble - my desire to improve the aesthetics of my smile. I lay in bed at  3am last night thinking, why the hell did I make those (now seemingly) stupid, shallow decisions that has brought me to the place where I am now - irritated by the discomfort, wondering if the procedure will work and if it doesn't, what I might do if I lose the tooth. A tooth that was perfectly normal, healthy a mere 3 years ago when I started to disturb its finely balanced equilibrium. The price we pay for dabbling in the material and aesthetic. Of course my rational and spiritually connected self (does this imply a contradiction here!) keeps saying - it will work out, and if it doesn't its not the end of the world, there will be a solution and in the grand scheme of things its only a freaking front tooth. So I'm trying to allow my ego to gain some perspective. 


Feeling sorry for myself, I haven't looked at work since lunch time Thursday, choosing instead to stay rooted to the couch in front of the telly, but feeling somewhat uneasy about it. Anyway life is a strange, but equally wonderful experience and sometimes I think our brains and certainly our egos don't allow us to fully enjoy and appreciate its wonders (good and bad); All we do is worry, be hard on ourselves, stress disproportionately about tomorrow and focus on the negative and surface level issues that cross our paths. Ok this is my philosophical reflection for the month, maybe it will help me get over feeling sorry for myself and go outside into the sun.