The post-mortem

The presentation I've been working on for roughly two weeks happened today. It's the first presentation I've done on my PhD work so understandably I was a bit apprehensive, nervous and very unsure. I just didn't feel comfortable in my skin - all the reassurances I kept giving myself, all the preparations didn't seem to help me settle into the presentation. Normally I feel slightly nervous just before I present and then just settle into it and I'm away. But today I felt uneasy for most of the 30 minutes it took me to deliver the presentation. And then the questions...well this is always the tricky thing right? Invariably people in the audience see your research through their eyes, their theoretical heroes and heroines or their analytical frameworks. Somehow this all seem applicable to YOUR research and how can you possibly not see its significance, its value. Fair enough, but freaking disconcerting when you are just about trying to figure out what the hell you want to say and then have to defend your position in light of some or other theoretical idea you may or may not have any clue about.

This little bug bear aside, while I was a bit disappointed with my own 'performance', an issue that has been troubling me for a while, I can see the positives, the benefits of having done the presentation

1) I can't just presentation this topic as a stand alone - I have to locate the aspect of scamping into the wider processes of how assignments get produced in the course
2) It might be valuable to compare it with how similar processes i.e. coming up with ideas, arguments etc..  are facilitated in other educational contexts e.g. when students are given an essay assignment to write, it is fairly rare that they will be asked to engage in a process where they make their position on the topic public in draft form, get feedback on this and use that feedback to improve the final submission
3) Scamping is more that just making your ideas visible through drawings, it's about how the conceptualisation process is facilitated and supported pedagogically
4) I really need to get a grip on the Bernsteinian stuff - what it is, how I want to use it and my defence of that use - otherwise I will be crucified by the staunch followers of the man...and that will not be a pretty sight!

So I'm a little disheartened that it didn't go better, but it could have been a lot worse. I got challenging feedback that will push me forward and I got really positive, reassuring feedback too - validating my sense and interpretation of the practices in the context (and my performance too). It probably wasn't as bad as I experienced it to be. Thank goodness I don't always listen to myself 100% of the time.