PhD narratives

You can't go to a conference like HELTASA as a PhD students and not get into a conversation about your PhD. Either it's with people who have finished their PhD's and then offer commiserations on your experience saying how hard it is and that only by going through the whole thing do you fully understand exactly how hard it really is. Or it's fellow PhD students wondering how far along you are and then you sort of huddle together offering kind words, advice, sympathy and support but deep inside you're vexed by the underlying competitive tone and degree to which you have to save face by telling distorted stories about the reality of your progress. Three years full time and still not done? I hear them say to themselves and even though I don't want to, I feel somewhat obliged to offer some plausible - meaning outside of my control -explanation for why I'm 'so behind', like I had to wait six months before coming to SA to collect my data.

Most of the PhD narratives that I've heard  from people here though have been positive ones - they love their supervisors, love their topics, love the whole experience save for the odd frustration here and there and the 'hard work' it takes. In such an environment I shut up, smile politely and accept that I'm not the post-girl for the PhD, while trying hard not to feel resentment that their experience appears infinitely more positive than mine. I try in those quick moments to simply accept that everyone is entitled to their experience and I don't have to spoil it by pissing on their parade by telling my story. I have come to realise that it's not important to tell my story anyway or rather that I don't have to tell the real story to everyone. In any case if I did tell the 'real' story is such a fleeting way the reasons for my experience would never be revealed - I could never capture of the complexities and multivariate explanations for why things have come to be the way they are. It's not simply because of my supervisors, because it's at the OU, because it's in the UK, because of the cultural differences, because of language and writing expectations, because I lack confidence or don't have the intellectual ability, because the writing rules are different, because I need different things to learn effectively, because, because, because... How do you explain such complexity to an distant acquaintance  in 10 minutes without compromising yourself and your supervision team. I've also become conscious that even though it has been my experience I don't want to be complicit in these general PhD narratives of doom and gloom. Especially the stereotypical rendition of these narratives. I don't think it should be this way in fact I guess deep inside I believe one should love your PhD in all it's fascinating aspects.
So it's better to smile politely, express genuine interest and enthusiasm for the story being expressed, show empathy when required, but keep my mouth shut about my own experiences except to say how interesting but challenging the journey has been so far.