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| a crap picture of my window view from UCT library |
Yesterday while sitting in the UCT's library and watching students gather for their graduation ceremony outside Jameson Hall I had this thought. I had been reading through and reflecting on the comments I received from a really insightful 'reading' of my methodology and data chapters. I felt like I finally knew what this thesis was about and in that moment I felt so powerful, so in control and in charge. It made me wonder why this feeling was so silent from the rest of my experiences of the PhD. It reminded me of something I was taught as a really young person while grappling with the ideology of apartheid. I came to understand that it is in the oppressor's interest never to allow, or to severely restrict the oppressed's realisation of the power they have to change the situation and this mechanism functions to keeps them in continual oppression - I've often heard Bantu Education explained using this analogy. But it rang true for me too.
I thought 'Imagine if I realised or was constantly encouraged to see my power throughout the PhD experience? Just imagine!'
That glimmer of the power of my insight and developing understanding of my thesis now needs to be cultivated - I must never lose sight of it, in fact it must be nurtured and allowed to blossom. Therein lies the possibility for turning things around.
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