My last post was rather pessimistic, maybe downright depressing. I felt rather trapped by having to express myself in writing and not having the 'write' words (an initial typo, but somehow, intuitively feels appropriate) . I'm not so sure that I've shifted from this position but writing my fieldnotes this past week felt more fluid. I guess the writing process is influenced by so many 'things' including your mood and personal attachment / detachment from the subject matter. Fieldwork, especially this week, continues to uplift and inspire me - but this doesn't mean that it's an easy or comfortable experience. Maybe this statement is a bit contradictory - how can something inspiring be uncomfortable all at the same time? Its uncomfortable in the short-term because being in a space trying to understand and make sense of it, is such an overwhelming, even destabilising experience. Yet I am able to see the long term prospects of documenting, critiquing and hopefully understanding the dynamic, resourceful and bright trajectories being created in this learning environment. It's almost infectious - wanting to know more and dig below the surface - paint a picture and then unpack and critique it, all the while being very aware of the personal lives that are infused in the make-up of the picture.
So its been a positive week for me - more concrete patterns are appearing, more defined lines and less smudging. I've decided to focus more on specific literacy events - like particular assignments and students' perceptions of doing them - and moving away from general classroom observations. This is a bit bitter-sweet decision because through the classroom observations I build rapport and interpersonal connections with students - I establish my presence but also see them as they explore and develop in their educational context which gives me the ultimate buzz; re-establishing and reinforcing my connection to my teacher identity.
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