can't write

I can’t write anymore – I can’t find the words to describe the world I’m seeing in my research site. I can’t find the words to capture the main points raised in the supervision meeting I had a week ago. Writing fieldnotes feel like torture as I struggle to write simple but accurate descriptions of events that have taken place in the classes I participate in. I can’t seem to write any that feels vaguely intelligent at the moment. Where have all the words gone? Did I have them one day and then lose them the next? I’m also feeling so distracted, too many thoughts racing through my head but none coherent, rational, logical – I imagine it’s like musicians tuning their instruments before a gig – all these strange competing sounds fighting to be heard over each other, all disconnected noise.

I’m not sure how to move on from this stage – sit in front of a blank computer screen, willing myself to write words on the page? Telling myself I’m not allowed to go to bed until I have written the fieldnotes for the day? Sit it out I guess? Just wait until the words return? How can I claim my identity as a researcher, a PhD student - if I can’t write?