The autumn leaves

It's autumn in Cape Town. Because oak trees line the walk ways at UCT you can't avoid the beautiful colours of the changing seasons. I like the yellows, oranges, reds and browns of autumn. Unfortunately Cape Town pales in comparison to how Europe celebrates the rustic and rich colours and textures of this season.

I'm back into my routine. I'm disciplined and productive sitting in my favourite calm space in the library at UCT. But my calm space can't protect me from the anxiety I still feel about my writing. I mostly feel like a fraud, like I've con'ed my way into this PhD and now, when I have to show my worth, my writing is letting me down - instead screaming adolescent, incomprehensible communicator. The most common way I've been describing my writing is dull, flat, uninspiring and definitely not elegant. I can see what is 'wrong' with my writing (as I've just described) but hell if I know how to 'correct' it. But I continue on. I'm in the process of cutting down my data chapters. I have to lose about 5000 words from each chapter. This is a seriously tall order, but it needs to happen. In the first edit of one of my chapters I was able to shed almost 2500 words. I've been less successful with the second chapter - I shed a meager 500 words off about 20 pages. I've been told to make my data descriptions crisper and get to the point I want to make quicker. In this way I can try and hold onto the quality of my data while shedding the excess, superfluous words. I sigh, but solider on, grateful that this journey, however treacherous, is slowly, but surely reaching its end point.