Supervision,oh supervision

Last Friday in some glorious sunlight, SP and I sat in the Hub on some fairly comfortable chairs and waxed lyrically about our triumphs and tribulations as PhD students. Supervision as always dominated our discussion. It's the thing of nightmares and wet dreams and when you walking into a supervision meeting you are never quite sure whether you will be experiencing your worse nightmare or your most delicious wet dream (the sexual analogues, where the hell are they coming from?). I suspect that about 50% of your time as a students is spent trying to work out what is going on in your supervisory relationship, how to make things better, how to deal with your supervisors in relation to work demands and interpersonal dynamics or how to survive the freaking process. We didn't get to a point where we were able to reach any definite conclusions or solutions, as usual it was an open-ended discussion, something we could pick up, right where we left it, usually after one of us had a supervision meeting. Over the weekend I thought about writing up some of my thoughts about our discussion and my thoughts on the whole supervisory relationship in general, but, it's hard work generating these thoughts into coherent and logical sentences and I needed my energy to complete my progress report, review a paper and write some comments on that and tackle some transcriptions.


But it was obviously a matter that couldn't be left alone...because I had supervision today. I have the some old ritual with each supervision - I prepare, I write little notes of the issues I want to raise and my position on each of these issues and try to think positive thoughts in the run up to the meeting. I tell myself that as a 40 year old proud, intelligent, confident woman I can deal with anything and shouldn't feel intimidated. And in many ways this ritualised practice has worked well for me over the years at the OU. I have also noticed a new found urge to not only be aware of the power differential in the relationship, but to diffuse it through consciously reminding myself that I have a voice and I don't have to play the 'onderdaniger' student role if I don't want to. All my previous supervision experiences have been positive and affirming engagements, no reason why can has to be different. I have to change my perception...and maybe my experiences will change accordingly to.


But you know...things are never what they seem. Supervision today wasn't bad, it wasn't negative, it wasn't particularly affirming either (a pocket or two of it sprinkled in here and there) - it just was. I didn't come out of it bursting with enthusiasm for my ongoing research tasks or with new inspiration and ideas germinating by the second. Well maybe that's a bit melodramatic - expectations of germinating ideas post-supervision. Its just that thing about supervision, you always leave not knowing, not sure if it was good, if it was bad, if you performed appropriately, if you got what they meant, if they got what you meant. Spawning countless future discussions with colleague about what it might all have meant.
 Maybe therein lies the secret...supervision is about getting you to think, maybe even think differently.


Reflecting on my supervision experience today and the collective experiences of myself and my colleagues over the past 3 years...I am reminded of something Ron Barnett said at a conference I attended in 2007 - he said that students' assignments could be likened to gifts being offered for consideration and review. Gifts carefully prepared by students and filled with their anticipation and aspirations. These gifts needed to be received by lecturers sensitive to what might have gone into the preparation and not just simply dismissed  or given tired and disinterested attention. The metaphor of gift...