and the sun makes an appearance

Well it has over the past few days - and I'm now considering switching to a lighter 'spring' jacket. My English colleagues have however, been sporting short-sleeved tops and no socks. I think that is a tad bit overenthusiastic for temperatures hovering around 14-15. Goodness this is middle-of-winter temperatures in Cape Town. But with the sun has also come a slight elevation in my mood. Sunday was a dire day - any kind of interest, enthusiasm and motivation to do anything PhD related where conspicuous absent from my being. Of course I kept thinking about the fact that I wasn't doing any work on my PhD and that I didn't really 'lus' to do anything anyway. I suspect that if anything gets me to the other side of this PhD it will be guilt!

But Monday came and I found myself sitting at my desk at the OU writing. Reflecting on why I had such a down Sunday I came to a rather profound realisation - well maybe I've come to this realisation before but just wasn't open to taking notice of its significance. I realised that my learning experience offered by the OU just don't suit me and how I prefer to learn. For me to learn and become enthused with the learning process I need to be engaged in dialogue with teachers, with colleagues, with learned others, generally people who I believe can help encourage and support my learning. I don't really strive in an individualised, solitary learning contexts. While I can work well independently this must be support by strong dialogical engagements or events (like supervision). Its just what I need and I don't think the OU environment really supports this kind of learning. So there it is in a nutshell. Of course there are other issues that cloud my learning experience too, but I think this is the major one - and there is no solution. I have to accept that the environment cannot accommodate my learning needs. Being aware of this, I think, is important - because it allows me to understand but crucially, accept some of my frustration with my learning experiences during this PhD. It doesn't mean that the OU is a bad place to do a PhD - not in the slightest way - it just doesn't accommodate or support the optimum way that I prefer to learn. So I will continue to have 'problems' but I need to proactive about how I deal with them - knowing the limitation of a situation can only help one find creative ways to succeed despite the constraints. Already a feeling of calm has surrounded me - now I just have to deal with the impending September deadline....yikes!