resolutions for a new year

I'm somehow feeling compelled to write something about the year drawing to a close and the one just in front of me. But what can I say about 2011? There were good times, there were bad times, there were challenging times - no more or less than any other year I guess. It's the year I finally started to see my research become a practical reality as I stepped in the field with enthusiasm and excitement. It was also the year that I spent 6 months in my home town and really didn't want to return to the UK but forced myself anyway. It's the year I almost cried in supervision twice and the year I felt the cold in the UK for the first time. I probably hated my PhD most in this year but also decided that it was time to stop hating it and focus on seeing the positive in the whole experience even if I wasn't learning the 'stuff' I thought I would/should be learning. It's also been the year that I felt least capable intellectually to complete the PhD...a serious blow to my confidence. I finally started to see and comprehend the impact on my life of the decision to complete a PhD in the UK. I've been fundamentally changed by this experience...more so because I came to the UK, rather than simply doing the PhD. I have constantly wondered what it would have been like to do this PhD somewhere else, under different circumstances...how fundamentally it would have changed me then. But this is my path, this is what I'm meant to be doing at this point in my life and I'm meant to be having these experiences even if they have been deeply uncomfortable and challenging for the most part.

2012...the future in only a couple of days time...well if I did have a resolution it would be to finish my PhD in 2012 but in such a way that I still find some enjoyment in the exercise and that I still have the compassion to appreciate at face value the experiences of those around me also completing the same exercise. I want to stay positive even in the face of adversity and I expect adversity to live with me for most of the year to come, but I know this is just one of the many experiences that have/will shape my life...only one, no more significant or insignificant than what has come before this or that will follow. It just is. If I had a resolution to guide me through 2012 then I guess this will probably be it.

1 January 2011