I had a productive, unproductive day today. Since the weekend when I started work on my analysis framework I've developed a mild but continuous headache. On Saturday and Sunday I simply ignored the headache as it moved from the side of my head over to the front and then all the way back down into my neck. Yesterday I definitely registered it and took some paracetamol, but the bugger just didn't subside. I woke up with a more intense headache this morning - almost as if it was saying to me 'hey you take notice of me, I'm actually here to stay'. When I got to work this morning I took another two paracetamol and then went on to have this really productive meeting as I tried to once again ignore my throbbing head. The headache coincided with the analytical block I've been experiencing.
Last night was a pretty low point as I'd been sitting with my case studies, research questions, key words guiding the analysis process, theme ideas for most of the day yet couldn't see a way out of the maze. And of course my throbbing head didn't help either. Yeah I'd reworked my research questions but for the life of me I couldn't figure out how I was meant to approach the analysis - in a concrete, practical way. I had some ideas but they just didn't make sense, took more on a tangent of other theoretical concepts and approaches and I just couldn't see the wood for the trees. It felt like a thick impenetrable fog. I knew I need to speak to someone, I need to just bounce some ideas off someone else, explain what I was thinking and some of the connections I was making. Luckily for me I was able to do all of this today - explain myself, unpack my ideas and ask for direction - thank goodness for colleague/friends working with the same theoretical and methodological concepts. Yes JT came to my rescue this morning and gave me some concrete suggestions on how I could move forward...take the first step towards making sense. So it was productive morning, some of the fog lifting ever so slightly and the restoration of my faith in myself. Maybe my brain cells do actually function. The restorative value of moving beyond these little, little impasses is completely amazing. I felt so stuck last night and today I see possibility, but also more than just possibility - I see something that is doable, writeable, within my reach. Maybe I can actually tell this story, maybe this story is actually worth tell after all.
So besides this mini breakthrough I haven't done much work since 12pm this afternoon, the headache forced me to come home by 2pm and I've been popping pills, sleeping and doing unrelated personal things since then. So, please Mr headache play along now and fade away so I can work on making the possibilities a reality, well at least in time for supervision next Tuesday.
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