submitted

The thesis was submitted yesterday courtesy of my good friend in England DB and the lovely CREET administrator AF. I was far removed from the whole process and denied the tactile experience of holding the finished booklet, that is my thesis, in my hands. I'm struggling to explain how it all feels. Yesterday when I got the e-mail saying the thesis was submitted, a bolt of something close to euphoria rush through me, followed very quickly by a sense of calm, relief. 'It's done, no turning back now'. Since that initial positive rush, all I've been feeling is mostly indifference. I'm pleased, happy it's all done but in a way I don't think I'm prepared for or expected the rather deflated feeling that's accompanied the submission of the thesis. For the longest time all I wanted was to be at this point. My focus was simply on submission, submission, submission. I paid no attention to what it might feel like once I submitted, I just wanted the pressure, stress and feelings of inadequacy brought on by the thesis writing process to stop. It's not all doom and gloom though, I feel a great sense of relief and can feel my self-confidence slowly seeping back. I miss the thesis in some strange, almost perverse way. In the act of submitting the thesis I'm force to let go of the best part of the last five years of my life.