passed the half way mark

I'm closer to leaving South Africa than I am from having left England (this doesn't sound right, but I just can't get this description right). I have less than three months left in Cape Town and frankly I'm not sure what to do with that information. Apparently people are waging bets at the OU on whether or not I will return. The 'odds' for this wager is variable for me too from one day to the next.

Being in my fieldwork context has made me realise what I love doing, teaching. The added bonus is that the departmental environments where I'm working are dynamic and rich at both interpersonal and collegial levels. Thus making the idea of coming back to teaching very inviting. I've realised more than ever that I love being around students, especially undergraduates - I love their dynamic energy, how they are so invincible, determined and clear about their futures. And even if the world 'out there' might seem a scary place, there is still this clear path that can/must be followed to conquer and claim it as your own. I remember when I felt exactly like that - and it is a wonderful time in my life - where the possibilities were endless. In a way doing my fieldwork in Cape Town has restored my interest, maybe even enthusiasm about going back to CPUT to teach - all the positive aspects about teaching at the institution, the very things I had forgotten or developed an immunity to in those last 3-4 year of working in my old department, I am seeing once again. And I love being in Cape Town - it is an intangible something I feel about being here. It just fits - I just fit.

But I have less than three months left in Cape Town. And although I have played with many variations on how and where I might live out the final 15 months of my PhD once I leave here at the end of June - there is an invertible sense about going back to England. But knowing that I have to go back, and even knowing why it might be good or better for me to go back, doesn't mean that it will be any easier to deal with. And as I get closer to that departure date I know the discomfort will become more palpable.

But it's another brilliant sunny Sunday in the Mother City and one can't be sitting indoors, it just doesn't seem right.