I think I've sounding a bit pessimistic these past couple of weeks leading some (me included) to think that all I'm doing is sitting around sulking about my current life and harking back to the good ole days. I suspect its rather hard to capture fully in this communicative environment how I really feel. Maybe its hard to do that in any environment. Its so easy to be misunderstood and even if you say, write or express your thoughts and feelings in the most coherent manner there will always be miscommunication. Now I'm no linguists or communication expert so I cant really explain how the 'miscommunication' happens - I just know it does. We all bring our own ideas, thoughts, interpretations, assumptions, prejudices to any communication event, so what we take away can never be exactly as the person telling the story intended or wished for. I realised almost immediately after I wrote my last blog entry that maybe I wasn't telling the full story, thinking maybe I didn't have perspective, or rather maybe I wasn't communicating my sense of perspective about my PhD experience.
I'm really grateful I have this opportunity, in a number of ways I am happy to be in England, and I am open to many of the changes that have come my way. Most days, including weekends I will do academic work and I do consider myself productive. But my world is textured, fluid, complex - with contradictory and coherent layers of experiences, feelings and insights operating side by side. I go through happy and sad phrases, positive and negative ones, sometimes I am reluctant, other times enthusiastic, but I never stand still for too long. I accept this as part of who I am and as part of the life I am living. Perspective and acceptance, now there's a thing!
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