a day of rest

During my PhD I had this unspoken rule that for at least one day in the week I would not work on my thesis. It was a rule I introduced to give myself the illusion of a breathing space, that would allow me to step away from the thesis that consumed my head, my being. I always imagined that I would never again be in a position where work would take over my life in this way. Now that I'm teaching again and trying to carve out a space to do writing work as well, I've quickly found myself in this position where the rules I applied to my PhD, especially about working on weekend, have been completely discarded. I'm working everyday of the week often until 10 pm at night and still not getting everything I need to do done. I keep thinking, as I did during my PhD, that I'm simply not using my time effectively. That I'm just inefficient. Unfortunately my default is always to blame myself, although I know a lot of the tensions I'm experiencing at the moment are reflected more deeply in how academic work is conceptualised in the vocational higher education sector in South Africa and the particular constraints I'm facing in my department. But on the face of things, I just cannot find more hours in the day to stay on top of all the tasks I need to do. And I'm becoming deeply resentful of how much of my supposedly free time I need give up to get my basic work-relate tasks done.I'd always imagined that working like this was reserved for my PhD and not my full-time job! At the moment I've basically abandoned any aspirations for writing this term and I'm deeply pissed off about it. I love being in the classroom again, I just wish there was a way that my teaching did not become the obstacle to my writing.

that immediate response

When your teaching goes right - the response is immediate. Your students connect with you, with the content you're trying to explain, with how you've designed the session to help make the content understandable. You feel a reassurance that everything needed to make your lesson engaging, active, interesting, understandable has all come together and for most of the students the desired effect has been achieved. Even if you have one of these 'connected' session in every term or semester, it's enough to give you the inspiration and energy to deal with all the other times when your lessons pass by uneventfully. I had one of these 'connected' sessions last week and the effect on my psyche and confidence was just so uplifting. So many behind-the-scene aspects related to my work conditions have played havoc with my sense of purpose and confidence in my role as academic, that having this very positive and immediate feedback from my students was just what I needed last week. While I fear this description of events and its effect on me is now bordering on the cliche, this simple classroom engagement has release an overwhelming feeling of hope and possibility - that maybe I still have something worthwhile to offer, even if  only to the unsuspecting 70 odd students who happen to have me as their Communications lecturer.

there is no fence around the university

Last week I asked my first year class in 'Communications' (I will have to say something more about this subject and its peculiar place in the university of technology curriculum landscape sometime) to write a very short narrative piece that described and reflected on their first few days at the university. What many students shared about their experiences in their written work brought into sharp focus how fundamental, awkward, weird and wonderful this move between school and university is for many students. Highlighted were many of the assumptions I made (and I'm sure many lecturers do too) about students' understandings and perceptions of university and their lived experiences of schooling. In many ways exposing the fallacy that high school in South Africa somehow prepares students for their life at university. Students marveled (and I'm not being condescending when I use this adjective) at the size of the buildings, the resources available (like the library, its books, the computer labs), the number of students and the fact that there was no fence around the campus or school bell - so they could come and go as they liked but also monitor the time for different lectures themselves. All of this has made me think that we really don't start at the point where students are at and make no allowances for the adjustment they need, just to the day-to-day arrangements and practices of the university, of the department. We just rush in with the content of our subjects as we know and understand it, thinking little of how all of this might be taken on and experienced by our students.

hello my name is Dr Lynn Coleman and I'm your lecturer

Is lecturing just like riding a bike - you never forgot how to do it? I felt completely self conscious about myself and what I was saying today. I met my students today - well they met me. I remember doing similar introductions to first years, in particular, in the course where I taught before the PhD but I don't remember feeling this self conscious about myself. I think the less than positive self awareness stems from the fact that I feel very much like a newbie myself. I've never taught in this course before, nor have I taught most of the content. Of course I know I CAN teach the content, it's just five years outside of the classroom (and deeply immersed in the role of a student) can alter your self confidence about your teaching.

Being a PhD student heightened my awareness of the student experience and I during my time as a student I was able to really reflect on some of my not so positive behaviours as a teacher. I'm determined not to make the same mistakes again and so I'm very mindful of my responsibility to be a good, positive teacher and role model. It did feel good to be in the company of young people again, even though I really struggle to identify with their taste in music, movies or having watching TV as a hobby. But hey ho! I suspect they might find it hard to identify with my lifestyle choices too.